I’m sitting here outside of Starbucks where I do a lot of my writing and I’m completely stumped. I have a long list of stuff to write about, but I can’t bring myself to write about any of it. I’ll save all of that for another day.
So, I decided to ask Twitter. Twitter, what should I write about? The first two responses were “Me!” and “The continuing relevance of Dokken in postmodern America?” I’m going to attempt to take them both on in the next 30-45 minutes.
The continuing relevance of Dokken in postmodern America?
“If the boats a Dokken, don’t come a knockin'”
Holy shit, I knew something like this would happen, but this is what I was looking for.
First we must ask ourselves, Is Dokken still relevant? I say absolutely. The real question here is what exactly is “post-modernism” and how exactly does it relate to Dokken? I can either approach this with humor and beat around the bush, or we can take it head on. The truth is I really don’t know much about Dokken. I saw Heavy Metal Parking Lot and I can tell you their fans are just as trendy as scene kids today.
Let’s break this down. Dokken was on the cutting edge of the hair metal movement of the 80’s. They rode the entire wave, but they didn’t carry the flag. They went through just as many band members as they did 80’s road tarts and if you are under 23 your mom might have slept with Don Dokken. Although your mom might not admit it, a lot of mothers out there have slept with someone in a hair metal band. It really is simple math. There were thousands of dudes in shitty 80’s metal bands. Selling 1 million records was just as hard as catching chlamydia. So, a lot of mothers out there probably had some Ratt or Dokken in them. Hell, things were crazy in the 80’s. I wouldn’t doubt that a lot of fathers had some Dokken in them.
In 2008 Dokken put out a new record. Still somehow going after 30 years. And as they say, what goes around comes around. So when hair metal finally comes back, which it might in some way, shape, or form, Dokken will still be riding that wave. Staying steady. Middle of the road hair metal waiting for it’s day in the permed sun again. So is their music the distant past? Or is it the cutting edge future? Who am I to know what Don Dokken has up his sleeve besides a pair of your mothers panties? Your mother, trying to forget her past, may be tomorrows next hit song.
Over and out. Keep on Dokken. I’ll let you think on this one.
PS.
Chelsea Jones responded first and told me to write about her. Chelsea Jones is that friend you have that you see as the only other sane person in the world. That person that you can sit outside and talk to for hours about how crazy everyone else is and about how perfectly normal you are. That person you get to know so well you see through all of the walls they have built up. That person you appreciate more than anyone because it’s just easy. We were above ever having a dumb friendship fight. It was the easiest guy/girl friendship that ever existed. All of this is past tense. Chelsea and I aren’t friends anymore. She left forever, but it’s cool. Not everyone is as lucky as she was to have met someone as brilliant and amazing as me. Her loss. I’m good to go, because I don’t care. Girls are a dime a dozen, I’ll just replace her.
