Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who cares about South Carolina’s finest treasure, DMX. Â One time, at Prom at my high school, a DMX CD got stuck in the changer and we had to listen to “Party Up” on repeat for a good portion of the evening. Â I danced the entire time and I lost about 3% of my body weight and two friends as a result. Â I did not care, because RUFF RYDERS FOR LIFE Y’ALL. Â I thought everyone held the Dark Man X in the same regard as I do, but apparently I was wrong. Â Some jerk in Spartanburg has gone and crossed X:
Really, y’all? Â See this is why we can’t have nice things. Â A famous person finally moves into the upstate, frequents our strip clubs and @WaffleHouse restaurants and this is how we treat the guy? Â We need to be ashamed! Â This has not been the year for DMX, and I as the president of South Carolinians for the Ethical Treatment of DMX, have staunchly supported him. Â Despite 4 arrests and back child support owed on some of his 10 children, DMX, or Earl Simmons as the government knows him, has felt my support and is planning a comeback:
Which will be awesome because my Prom attendance days are long gone, but DMX could pen the anthem to my future wedding and divorce parties. Â Every little girl dreams of having cake smashed into her face by a guy who she chose at random to spend her life with while someone barks out the truest wisdom ever told. Â Every. Little. Girl. Â Trust. Â I hope DMX comes through for me. Â I need this. Â Additionally, I need my own DMX spotting like this one:
Who knew that DMX liked Chipotle as much as the next cat?  I also really hope that sassy lady with the pink folder is his assistant.  I hope this because I want to find her and then ask DMX if I can replace her.  I would drive him around so he wouldn’t have to get arrested anymore and since, well you know, he  doesn’t have a car right now and all.  I got you back, DMX.  DMX JUSTICE LEAGUE FOR LIFE.  RUFF RYDERS FOR LIFE.
I may have started following one of the best twitter accounts of my life in @ValEKilmer. Â I can never tell if he’s for real or joking, but I do know this: Â I am REALLY entertained.
He’s right you know. Â There’s a lot of Bacon haters out there. Â I know plenty of people who would dare to describe Kevin Bacon as creepy. Â But Val Kilmer? Â Dude EVERYONE loves the Iceman. Â He realizes this and broke all of us Top Gun fanatics off a proper chunk:
*Makes teeth snapping motion in the air at someone else’s face* Â Take a moment today and follow @ValEKilmer on the Twitter machine. Â You won’t be sorry. Â And if you are well, you just don’t get me or what it’s like to live in the shadow of the Iceman’s awesomeness. Â We both snap our teeth at you.
If you want to snap back with some suggestions for who we should feature on #TwitterThursday send your suggestions to @SceneSC and be sure to use tons of emojis.
